September202012

I did thought of killing myself lot of times but why didn’t I killed myself long time ago? I was afraid that I will miss things in my life. There’s days where I want to set up a noose and just hang myself. People say that’s selfish. I don’t think that’s selfish.. If you really want to end your life, that’s your choice to make. Overall, I’m not depressed person.. I’m just a person with anger. I feel angry everyday. My father’s death is what triggered my brain and I was never the same person, ever. My mother often told me that I used to be very happy person and often wished I could be that person again. She hope that I will find that inner-happiness and be happy. I was happy at my old previous school. Again, I had everything I wanted and I lost it. I wish I fought for my stay but I gave up. The people at my school makes me want to punch them in their faces. I want to drop-out and turn in a homeless dude. I want to escape to somewhere where people do not know me and I can start 100% new. The place I’m living in is hell. Everything reminds me what happened in the past and who I used to be. It’s eating me alive. I want to leave this place. I want to be gone from every single person I know’s lives. I want to be among new people who does not know me at all. 

11PM

People tell me that I will do great things, but what things? That’s my big question.. What will I do? What will I change? I hope I will change a lot of people’s lives. I want to be able to save people’s lives. I’m considering to be counselor but I know that people’s vents will affect me and get to me. It will bring back Theresa. I killed her few months ago and I know she’s capable of rising from the dead. She can rise and destroy me. She is very strong and hatred person. She can destroy a person before you can snap your fingers.

11PM

I have nobody to go to now. I express my feelings on this shitty blog. I don’t really care anymore. I have nothing to lose anyway. I already lost everything. 

11PM

I feel lonely everyday. Among so many students in my school yet I still feel lonely. I had everything I wanted. I was happy. I lost everything in just less 1 month. 

11PM

My nightmares are eating me alive. I can’t sleep through the night. I will wake up with the pain in my chest.. The exact pain I felt when my father died. 

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